Home > Blog, Bus Stop Chronicles > The Utility of Pocket Knives

The Utility of Pocket Knives

By Douglas Adams, age 9.

A pocket knife is about the most massively useful thing any young man can have. Partly it has great practical value – you can hunt with it as you bound across the cold taigas of Jaglan Cappa; you can open beverages and sip them on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Renthar VII, inhaling the intoxicating sea vapours; pry loose the seven breasted whore of Babel; battle the Beast of Trafalgar IX (a sincerely reluctant opponent, it hesitates to attack as it is daftly afraid of occuring social faux pas – but very ravenous); remove splinters and thorns incurred from rummaging through boreal forests, and of course peel an apple.

More importantly, a pocket knife has immense psychological value. For some reason, if one discovers a young man with a pocket knife, he will automatically assume that he is also in possesion of a sash, merit badges, regulation brown short pants, short sleeved khaki shirt, toothbrush, flask, compass, map, ball of string, mosquito repellant, poncho, space suit, etc., etc. Furthermore, they will happily offer to buy original buttery flavoured kettle corn from said young man. What this person will think is that any boy who can handle a pocket knife can rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and can light a fire with two twigs and a rock is clearly a boy to be recokoned with.

Disclaimer: Douglas Adams didn’t actually write this.

  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.